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By
Imam Abu Hamid Muhammad
Al-Ghazali
(May God Shower His
Mercy Upon Him)
From
Imam
Ghazali’s Arabic Book on the Subject from His Three-Volumes
Collection of
Short Books “Majmu’a Rasail Imam Ghazali”
Translated
into English
By
Irfan
Hasan
From
the Urdu Translation of the Book
TABLE
OF CONTENTS
Children’s
Initial Education, Training, and Attainment of Moral Values -
Necessity and Importance of Permissible (Halal) Food
An Explanation of the Etiquettes of Eating
An Explanation of the Etiquettes of Dressing
Method of Persuading towards Good and Stopping from Evil
Prohibition of Arrogance and Pride
Etiquettes of Gatherings and Conversations
Importance and Benefits of Physical Exercises
Etiquettes of Respecting the Elders
Child’s Nature and Parents’ Obligation
A Historical Evidence of the Best Results of Good Upbringing
The English translator has added all explanations given within square brackets and parenthesis and assumes all responsibilities for any mistranslations and seeks Allah’s forgiveness for that. All text in Arabic has been transliterated into English and has been italicized. Urdu translation of this book of Imam Ghazali was done by Sadruddin Hasan Amritsari and published by Dar-ul Isha’at, Pakistan. Amritsari’s Urdu translation was utilized for doing this English translation.
CHILDREN’S
INITIAL EDUCATION, TRAINING, AND ATTAINMENT OF MORAL VALUES -
INTRODUCTION OF
THE BOOK
Adopting
an effective method for training children is extremely important and
necessary.
It is because a child is Allah’s trust in
parents’ hands and the
child’s heart is like a nice, clean, and simple mirror which,
although, is
devoid of any types of impressions or shapes, is capable of accepting
the
influence of all types of impressions and influences and it can be
inclined
towards any thing you like. Therefore,
if good habits are inculcated in the child and if he/she is instructed
in
knowledge, then the child after gaining such excellent nourishment
(upbringing),
achieves the real success of this life and of the life hereafter. In
this [success], the parents and the teachers of the child become
entitled to a
share in the rewards [from Allah for good upbringing of the child].
And if bad habits are inculcated (nurtured) in a child and
[if the child
is] left unhindered (unattended/free) like animals, then he/she gets
destroyed
after becoming ill mannered. The
burden of sin [of such negligence] fells on his/her guardian and
caretaker.
Allah, the Exalted, has said [in the Holy Quran]:
“Ya
Ayyuhal Lazeena Aamano Qu Anfusakum Wa Ahleekum Naarun.”
“O
you who believe! Save
yourself and
your family from the fire of Hell.”
And
when the father saves his child from the fires of this world, then as a
first
priority, it is incumbent (obligatory) upon him to save his child from
the fire
of the hereafter (Hellfire) and the only way of doing this is that he
teaches
the child manners and civilization and educate him/her in the best of
morals and
protect him/her from bad companions and friends and should not let the
desire
for physical beautification, fine dresses, ornamentation, physical
ease, and
comfort-seeking settle in his/her heart, otherwise, the child after
growing up,
will waste his/her precious life in desiring and seeking these lowly
things and
will get eternally destroyed by them.
Instead,
it’s incumbent upon the father to keep a strict watch and
care from a very
early age [of his child].
NECECCITY
AND IMPORTANCE OF PERMISSIBLE (HALAL) FOOD
For upbringing of the child and for nursing, [in the absence of the mother] a woman of good character and religiosity should be appointed, who eats lawful (Halal) food because the milk that comes from unlawful food, has no betterment or blessing in it, instead, if the child is brought up with milk that comes from unlawful (Haram) sources, then evil gets permeated into the very fiber (consciousness/psychology/inner being) of the child, and because of that, the temperament of the child gets inclined towards Satanic (evil) deeds. And when [the parent feels that] the child is able to discern between the good and the bad then a complete nurturing of the child should begin. This [phase of child’s life] is indicated by the appearance of the initial signs of shyness (Haya/modesty), because when the child, realizing his/her respect and honor, starts to feel shy and because of shyness starts to leave doing certain things, then this is only the result of the light of intelligence emerging in him/her. This [emergence of the light of intelligence] happens to such an extent that he/she starts to think of some things as good and of some things as bad, and starts to feel shameful about certain deeds and this very realization of shyness (Haya) is a huge favor on the child by Allah, the Exalted. And it’s a clear sign that argues for (clearly shows) his/her moderation of the moral values and the purity of the heart. Instead, we should think of it in this way that this consciousness of the realization of good and bad [in the child], is a glad tiding from the nature (i.e. Allah) that this child upon attaining puberty, will possess perfect intelligence. That’s why a child with shyness (Haya/modesty), should never be left free (liberated), but instead, making use of his/her shyness (Haya) and discernment [between good and bad], a full training should be given to him/her.
AN
EXPLANATION OF THE ETIQUETTES OF EATING
The
first bad desire that dominates a child, is the greed to eat more;
therefore,
it’s extremely necessary to teach him/her the etiquettes of
eating.
For example, [the etiquettes are] to eat food only with the right hand, to recite “Bismillah” (“In the Name of Allah”) in the beginning, to eat from the front [of the plate], to wait for others to begin before he/she does, to not start staring at the food [when others start first], to not even stare at others who are eating, to not eat in an unnecessary hurry, to chew the food properly, to not continuously [or hurriedly] put morsels of food in his/her mouth [but should do that gradually], to not soil his/her hand and clothes with the food [by dropping it]. Sometimes, the child should be fed only the bread so that he/she does not consider the curry [to go with bread] to be a necessity so as to not even be able to do without it. Likewise, one should narrate in front of the child, the undesirability of eating too much, for example, those who eat excessively should be compared to animals. The child should be told to not follow the kids who eat too much and the kids who eat less and are well trained should be praised in front of the child. The child attention should be drawn towards sacrificing the food for the sake of others [who are less fortunate] by taking care of the needs of his/her companions. The habit should be developed in the child to not care too much about [fine] food and to be content with simple food.
AN
EXPLANATION OF THE ETIQUETTES OF DRESSING
Similarly, instead of colorful and silk clothes, the love and desire for simple and plain clothes should be developed in the heart of the child. It should be firmly impressed on his/her mind that to wear such clothes is not appropriate and pious people abhor such ways of dressing. Such things (admonitions) should be told to the child from time to time in a generalized way. And it’s an obligation on the parents that when they see any child wearing silky or brightly colored dresses in front of them, then they should express their disapproval [of such ways of dressing] in front of the child and should instill their undesirability [for such dresses] in the heart of the child. The parents should protect their child from meeting with all those children who are accustomed to prosperity, seeking comforts (comfortable lifestyle), and dressing proudly. They (parents) should also protect the child from the company of all those people who tell him/her stories about such ways of indulgence [like seeking comforts, dressing proudly, etc.]. Any child, who is left unattended [in such things] during his/her initial growth (upbringing), after growing up commonly becomes ill-mannered, liar, thief, tale-bearer, intransigent (stubborn), evil talker, sarcastic, cunning, deceiver, and foolish. The only source of protecting the child from all these evils is good education and training, after that, the child should be admitted into a religious school so that he/she studies Quran and Hadith (traditions of Prophet Muhammad [Peace and blessing of Allah be upon him]), acquires knowledge of the conditions, biography, and traditions of Allah’s righteous slaves so that from the early childhood, the love of the saints (May Allah shower His Mercy upon all of them) get established in his/her heart.
Furthermore, protect the child from romantic poetry and romantic-minded poets and also make him/her stay away from those writers who think that such poetry is an indication of the life of the heart and subtlety of perception [or expression], because such things sow the seeds of corruption (Fasad) and evil in the minds of children.
METHOD
OF PERSUADING TOWARDS GOOD AND STOPPING FROM EVIL
Whenever the child displays a good quality or displays a praiseworthy action, then father should praise the child and give him/her such a gift that will make the child happy and should praise the child in front of others. If the child then does something opposite [to his/her praiseworthy quality or action], then it’s appropriate to show unawareness of it and [the father] should not dishonor or humiliate the child nor should he highlight the fault. Instead, the father [or parent] should not even let the child know that he even thinks that the child has the courage to do such a thing in front of him, especially, in the case, when the child himself/herself tries to cover and hide the fault. It’s because revealing the mistakes [of the child] at times, is the cause for the child to become more daring to such an extent that slowly and gradually the child does not even care about his/her faults being revealed. Even after taking such a wise precaution, if the child does the same [bad] thing again, then it’s suitable to rebuke him/her in private and the fault of the bad deed should be revealed to him/her and should be told, “Beware! Do not ever do this bad thing again. God forbid, if this is found by someone, then you will get humiliated in front of the people”, [etc. etc. and other statements can be guessed from this].
But
it should be kept in mind that the child not be rebuked excessively,
because it
creates a habit in the child to listen to condemnation and scolding and
increases in him/her the courage to commit wrongs.
And slowly and gradually, the value of admonitions
diminishes
from the heart of the child.
Similarly,
it’s necessary for the father that when he talks to the
child, he maintains
his awe and fear [in the heart of the child] and should rarely rebuke
him/her.
And the mother should make him/her fear the father when
the child is
being stubborn and should strictly stop the child from doing bad things.
The
child should be told not to sleep during the day because it creates
laziness but
he/she should not be stopped from sleeping at night.
However, the child should still be stopped from sleeping
on a soft bed so
that the child’s bodily organs will get strong and the body
will not get
disfigured, due to which the child will not be able to live without
comforts.
Instead, the habits of sleeping on hard beds, wearing
non-fine (simple)
clothes, eating simple food should be instilled in the child.
The child should be stopped from doing things in a
clandestine way
because he/she knows that it’s bad, that’s why the
child hides it.
If it’s ignored, then the child will develop the
habit of doing bad
things.
Similarly, the habit of walking during the day and exercising should be instilled in the child so that he/she does not become lethargic and lazy. However, utmost care must be taken to ensure that the child does not expose his/her head, knees, thighs, etc. Furthermore, the child should not walk too fast nor should keep his/her hands loose [which is a sign of laziness] but instead, the child should keep his/her hands close to the body and should be active.
PROHIBITION
OF ARROGANCE AND PRIDE
The
child should be prohibited from showing pride on anything from the
possessions
of his/her parents, his food items, clothes, even from something like
his/her
writing tablet and ink. Instead,
the habit of dealing with all of his/her companions with humility,
respect,
honor, and having pure (clean/civilized) conversation, should be
inculcated in
him/her and should not be allowed to take anything from other children.
If it’s a child of wealthy parents then he/she
should be explained that
the honor and rank is in giving and not in taking, instead, taking
[from others]
has in it [the characteristics of] lowliness, humiliation, and insult.
If it’s a child of poor parents then he/she
should be taught that to
have greed and to take something from others is a cause of
one’s own insult
and humiliation and it’s the characteristic of a dog that it
keeps wagging its
tail waiting and being greedy for a morsel [of food].
Similarly, the child should be made to dislike gold and
silver and should
be made to fear the love of these things worse than the love of snakes
and
scorpions. It’s
because the love
and greed of gold and silver, causes far more damage to children and
adults than
the harms caused by poison [from snakes and scorpions].
ETIQUETTES
OF GATHERINGS AND CONVERSATIONS
The
child should be taught to not spit publicly, to not pick his/her nose,
to not
yawn in front of anyone, to not turn his/her back to anyone, to not sit
cross-legged, to not sit while putting his/her palm under the chin or
while
supporting the head with hands because all these are indications of
lethargy and
laziness, in other words, the child should even be taught the proper
manners of
sitting. The child
should be
restrained from talking too much and it should be clearly impressed on
his/her
mind that all these are shameful things and are not the works of
well-mannered
children. Furthermore,
the child
should be completely prohibited from swearing either truely or falsely
so that
he/she will not develop the habit of swearing from childhood.
Similarly, the child should be stopped from starting a
conversation first
and should have this habit instilled in him/her that he/she should
speak only to
answer [questions] and that too should be proportionate to the question
[asked].
When someone is speaking to the child then he/she should
listen very
attentively and should get up to create more space for those who are
older and
then should sit with proper manners in front of them.
The child should be stopped from useless (evil) talk,
dirty
talk, cursing, accusations, verbal abuse and should be prohibited from
meeting
people who do these things because the evil qualities of
[one’s] companions,
necessarily influence the child [in a bad way].
And the real secret of [proper] training of children is
embedded (hidden) in protecting the children from [the company of] bad
companions.
It
is also necessary that when the teacher punishes the child then the
child should
neither scream nor shout nor seek the support of intercession
(interference) of
someone, instead, [the child] should exercise patience and forbearance.
In order to make the child understand this, he/she should
be told that to
exercise patience is the way (characteristic) of the brave ones and to
scream,
shout, and cry are the works of those who lack dignity.
IMPORTANCE
AND BENEFITS OF PHYSICAL EXERCISES
After
finishing his/her studies, the child should be permitted to play some
good
sport, with the help of which, he/she could get rid of the tiredness
from the
school and to get relaxation. But
the child should not be allowed to play so much so that he/she gets
tired due to
the play [itself]. Because,
to
completely stop the child from playing and to just keep him/her under
the
pressure of studies, makes his/her heart dead, makes his/her
intelligence
nullified and useless, and makes his/her life miserable, due to that,
the child
starts to look for excuses to get rid of the studies.
ETIQUETTES
OF RESPECTING THE ELDERS
It’s
extremely important that the child should be taught the obedience to
the
parents, teachers, and everyone who is older in age than him/her
whether this
person is a relative or not. And
he/she should be told to look at them with the eyes of respect and
should
abandon play in front of them. When
the child reaches puberty, then he/she should not be allowed to have
laziness in
cleanliness (personal hygiene) and purity and should not be ignored for
missing
prayers. In certain
days of [the
holy month of] Ramadan, the child [before acquiring puberty] should be
made to
fast in some days and should be kept away from silk, and wearing gold
and
silver. As needed
(as it’s
suitable according to the need), the child should be explained the
limits
(boundaries) and laws of the Islamic Shari’ah
(Divine laws) and should
be made to fear theft, unlawful earnings and food, breach of trust,
dishonesty,
shamelessness, and all evil things that are born in the temperament
(personality) of the child during adolescence.
When a child’s upbringing from the [early]
childhood will be like this,
then by the time the child reaches puberty, he/she will be able to
clearly
understand the secrets and the wisdom behind these matters.
During
this stage (childhood/adolescence), he/she should be explained that
whatever
permissible (Halal) food is there, is also like
medicines and the only
purpose of them is that the human beings, after eating them, could be
obedient
to Allah, the Exalted.
It
should also be clearly impressed upon the mind [of the child] that the
world
itself is not the purpose [of our lives], and [the world] is unreal,
without
permanence, and has an ending. Death
puts an end to these [material] blessings and the world is only a place
we are
passing by. It is
not a place of
satisfaction and [is not] a place to settle.
But the world of the hereafter is the real station of
peace and
tranquility and a place of stillness and satisfaction and the death, at
all
times, is in ambush, to end the life of the world.
In
reality, intelligent is the one who provides the capital of reliance
(provision
needed for one’s journey to the hereafter) and good deeds
from this mortal
world for the eternal life of the hereafter, so that he/she attains a
high rank
of acceptance before Allah, the Exalted, and the limitless blessings of
the
Paradise. If the
child’s initial
upbringing would have been good, then during adolescence, this
discussion will
prove to be pleasing to the self (Nafs), effective,
get inscribed on the
heart like an [indelible] inscription on the stone, auguring well for
the child.
On
contrary to that, if the child’s mental development had been
along the wrong
lines, then the qualities of evil, shamelessness, desire for eating too
much,
greed for fine dresses, ostentation and ornamentation, gaudiness,
arrogance and
pride, would have been born in him/her, and his/her heart will refuse
to accept
this fact (i.e. the impermanence of the worldly life and the need to
work for
the life hereafter) like the dry wall refuses to accept dry soil (i.e.
such
teachings will not stick to the heart of the child).
In summary, these are the initial matters that need to be
taken care of to the utmost.
CHILD’S
NATURE AND PARENTS’ OBLIGATION
Since
the composition of the child’s heart is such that it can
accept the influences
of both the good and the bad, the righteous and the evil,
it’s the
responsibility of the father and the mother to incline the [heart of
the] child
either to good or to evil (Imam Ghazali is not giving us a choice in
this
matter, but instead, urging us to incline the child towards good
otherwise the
child will automatically get inclined towards evil due to the
parents’
negligence). Prophet
Muhammad (May
peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) says:
“Kullu
Mauludiy Yauladu ‘Alal Fitrati Wa Innama Aabawahu
Yuhawwidanihi Aow
Yunassiranihi Aow Yumajjisanihi.”
“Every
child is born on the [true] nature [of God] but his/her parents make
him/her
either a Christian, Jew, or Magian.”
A
HISTORICAL EVIDENCE OF THE BEST RESULTS OF GOOD UPBRINGING
Shaykh
Suhail bin Abdullah Tusteri (May Allah Shower His Mercy upon him) says:
“When
I was three years old, I used to get up at night to see the
[heart-warming]
spiritual view of the Tahajjud prayers [done in the
last part of the
night which is highly recommended in Islam for spiritual advancement on
the Path
of God] of my maternal uncle Muhammad bin Sawar (May Allah Shower His
Mercy upon
him). Once he said
to me:
‘Do
you not engage in the remembrance of Allah, the Exalted, Who created
you?’
I
asked: ‘How should I remember Allah?’
He
said: ‘At night, when you change your sides [on bed before
sleeping], recite
the following only in your heart, three times without moving your
tongue:
Allahu
Ma’iya, Allahu Nazirun Ilaeyya, Allahu Shahidi
Allah
is with me, Allah is watching me, Allah is in front of me.’
I
did that for a few nights, and then I informed him about it to which he
said:
‘Now
on every night, do the same thing seven times.’
I
did that and informed him about that to which he said:
‘Now
do this eleven times.’
I
did the same and as a result of that, I started to feel its taste and
sweetness
in my heart. Then
when one year
passed by acting on this [every night], he said:
‘The
remembrance that I have taught you, you should remember it well, and
keep acting
on that until you die. This
will be
a source of benefit to you in this world and in the next.’
I
kept doing it for a couple of years, until I started to feel its taste
(deep
impact) in the deepest recesses of my innermost being.
Then one day, he said:
‘O
Suhail! Allah, when
He is with
someone, whom He watches [every single moment], whom He is in front of,
could
that person ever disobey Allah, the Exalted?
Beware! Never
[ever]
transgress against Allah and disobey Him!’
Therefore,
I started to live in seclusion. Then
he tried to send me to a school but I said:
‘I
feel the danger that my attention [towards Allah] will get divided.
But it will be better, if you could get this commitment
from the teacher
that I will study with him for a while then I will quickly return to
indulge in
Allah’s remembrance.’
Then
afterwards, I went to the teacher and by the time I was six or seven
years old,
I memorized the entire Quran by heart.
I
always fasted and until I was twelve, the barley bread was my primary
food
(diet). During this
time, when I
was thirteen, I had this need to learn (find out) about a particular
religious
matter, and then I requested my family to allow me to go to Busra [in
Iraq] so
that I can ask the scholars there about this matter.
Therefore, I came to Busra and asked scholars there about
this matter but none of them satisfied me.
Afterwards, I went to ‘Abadan [in Iran] to be in
the presence of Shaykh
Habeeb Humza bin ‘Abdullah ‘Abadani (May Allah
Shower His Mercy upon him)
and asked him about the same religious matter to which he gave me a
satisfactory
response. Then I
continued to stay
in his presence for a long time to gain spiritual benefits (Fayd)
from
his [book] ‘Mulfoozat al-Qudsiya’
and continued to learn manners from
him. Then I
returned to [my
hometown of] Tuster and apportioned my diet so that one Dirham’s
(an
old currency) worth of barley used to be grounded for me and bread used
to be
prepared for me from it. Every
night, at the time of Suhoor (Late night meal
before starting the fast),
I used to eat one Aoqia (an old unit of measure
equivalent to one ounce
today) from the bread without using any curry with it.
Therefore, one Dirham [which is a very
small amount] used to be
sufficient for me for [the food for] the whole year.
I
made progress [in this matter] to such an extent that I used to break
my fasts
after three nights (in other words, he used to fast continuously for
three days
and nights), then after five nights, then after seven nights, then I
gradually
reached up to twenty-five nights.
I
continued in this way for twenty years continuously.
Then I toured the world for many years and returned to
Tuster.
I used to worship and pray almost all night.”
Imam
Ahmad (May Allah Shower His Mercy upon him) says:
“I
never received any evidence that he (i.e. Shaykh Suhail Tusteri [May
Allah
Shower His Mercy upon him]) ever used curry [with his bread when he
ate].”
[Imam
Ghazali (May Allah Shower His Mercy upon him) did not mention this
tradition so
that we also raise our children like this in terms of the intense
spiritual
exercises and extraordinary feats of physical endurance that Shaykh
Suhail (May
Allah Shower His Mercy upon him) performed from his early childhood.
Imam Ghazali’s purpose in mentioning this is to
drive home the point
that if proper arrangements are made by parents for the
child’s proper
upbringing, then the child can reach the pinnacle of human potential,
otherwise,
such intense spiritual and physical exercises is not necessary for all
Muslims].
